News I Made Up…

[photo: Foreign & Commonwealth Office under CC Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic]

Foreign Secretary David Miliband was rushed to hospital this morning with an ear complaint.

However, doctors later stated that the problem was ‘not serious’. Mr Miliband, who is widely touted as a possible future leader of the Labour Party, was taken ill at a crack of dawn meeting. He was transferred to hospital only as a precaution, sources at the Foreign Office said.

One medical professional was more forthcoming.

“Mr Miliband had both fingers jammed in his ears and would not remove them,” the consultant told this reporter. “He was also singing like a very angry child, you know: ‘Wala lalal lalala, boingy woingy tribbletoingy…’ It was quite unsettling at first, but then we realised that it was voluntary. Apparently the Binyam Mohamed judgment comes out today and he doesn’t want to hear it because it could be hugely damaging and embarrassing for him, Jack Straw, Tony Blair, and even that fellow who has Blair’s job now.”

This news outlet will be following Mr Miliband’s health closely throughout the day.