But two things stand out as bug-tastic.

1. “Wherefore art thou Romeo?”

Let’s get this absolutely clear. She’s not asking where he is. She wants to know why he is that particular person, whose family is at war with hers. The question could be rephrased as follows -

Why in the name of Rubbery Thomas of Ladcaster did I have to go and fall in fatuous teen lust with the one person my entire extended clan would least wish to see me walk down the aisle with? Couldn’t you have been an itinerant ferret-swallower? Oh, God, it’s all so unfair! I need Haagen Dasz.

2. it’s stupid.

Let me clarify. In order to achieve the tragic ending, everyone in the plot has to behave like a tit. Even people presented as quite wise have to take leave of their senses not just at crucial moments but for prolonged periods of time. Even the two besotted children – in other ways apparently moderately grown-up – could probably figure this one out, but their more thoughtful advisors have absolutely no excuse for missing the easy out:

The Duke is absolutely desperate to stop this in-fighting. He has imposed significant penalties on anyone who carries it on. Shall we guess what might be his response if a Capulet and a Montague who wanted to get married to one another landed on his doorstep and asked for help?  Anyone?

Yeah, my spidersense tells me he’d make the marriage happen so fast even the Pope would be surprised.

So here’s the connection with Hellboy 2. I’ve already mentioned this in passing, but I shall mention it more fully now. In fairness, this is not exactly a spoiler, but it does touch on the plot, so anyone concerned to see Hellboy 2 without knowing anything about the plot should look away. (I’m pretty sure everything I’m about to say is revealed in the first five minutes anyway – except for the fact that what logically ought to happen at the end, doesn’t, but since it doesn’t, and since the possibility is not even considered, I’m not spoiling it for you.)

The setup of the movie is this:

The Golden Army – the ultimate destructive force – is controlled by anyone of royal blood who stands uncontested in the magic room and wears the magic crown.

The Prince wants to destroy the world.

The Princess does not.

The Prince and Princess are magically linked so that any injury inflicted on one also affects the other.

So here’s my problem:

If the Princess challenges the Prince, he can’t fight her without dying himself – and he’s not about to do that if he can help it. They’re deadlocked. In the event of a deadlock, she wins, because the army cannot march while the crown is contested.

All of this information is freely available to everyone in the story.

So why doesn’t she?

[Note: it turns out I can't use & in a post label. Who knew?]