Trashtalking: Paul the Octopus
From the files of News I Made Up.
Paul the psychic octopus, who predicted Spain’s victory in the World Cup, has responded with characteristic spirit to allegations by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad that he is a symbol of decay and decadence.
Paul, who communicates by selecting from a range of edible treats marked with possible answers created for him by his keepers at the Sea Life Centre in Oberhausen, briefly hovered over the food parcel which accepted Ahmadinejad’s criticisms of German handling of the banking crisis while respectfully proposing that the middle eastern demagogue should moderate his remarks in the interest of international dialogue. He then appeared to consider a flake of cod which contrasted his own role with that of Pope Benedict XVI and the Vatican’s response to recent sexual scandals, before settling on a small piece of monkfish labelled with the phrase “Dude, you are just the biggest ever jackass.”
A spokseperson for Guido Westerwelle, the German Foreign Minister, would not comment on suggestions that Paul’s position might affect delicate negotiations with Turkey this week. Ahmadinejad, meanwhile, has added Oberhausen to his list of Satans, the top two of which are still the US and Great Britain, but which now also includes France, Latvia, Yemen, Mexico, Ocado, Rick Astley, chewing gum, unshaven mice, urinals, and the Federated States of Micronesia.
