A sampling of days…. (contains profanity)
Being an author:
0714
Clare wakes. One of us makes tea. I have no idea which, because I am asleep. Note that this does not necessarily mean it wasn’t me.
0802
Trousers. Trousers. Trousers, trousers, trousers… Socks. Socks. Yes. Oh! Look! A shoe.
0823
Skype, you are a miserable bastard piece of… Oh. I spelled my own name wrong? Huh. Go figure. Where’s my tea gone?
0911
“… Seamlessness is the key to a digital experience… Pricing is really… VAT on ebooks is insane… More exploratory… Hybrid books, digital paper, VR Books with a paper interface… Strong IP as privacy and protection, not as a tool of oppression… Checks and balances… Desert of the real… Tea.”
1037
Does the word “Yauatcha” actually mean anything? Or is it like all those Toyota brands?
1041
Werewolves… Magic… That would make a fun genre short… Or I could do some more on the Sergeant for 3… Hm… I think I can fix that thing with Joe in 2… Hm… (I love this).
1102
Editor: Okay, stay with me because you’re not going to like this.
Author: Hit me with it.
Editor: I think you need to work on the dog sequence.
Author: Okay…
Editor: You sound worried.
Author: I’m waiting for the evil thing.
Editor: That was it.
Author: That was it?
Editor: Yah.
Author: Okay, well, I can get around that. It’s fine.
Editor: Cool.
1251
Yum. Dim sum.
1741
Jesus, is that the time? Where… Oh. I wrote all that? Cool. Three thousand two hundred and ten words. Nice.
1912
Yay! Wife! Yay!
Being a screenwriter:
0651
… Wah? Wuh? Where?
0653
There’s keyboard on my face.
0654
AAAAAAAAUUUUGH! Deadline! Shit! I fell asleep? SHIT!
0719
… goes to the desk and removes THE GUN from the drawer… Crap, what gun? CRAP!
0743
Whole sequence has to be here which means we have to intro the gun five pages back which means we can’t have the scene with the cow until later which means the cow joke on page eight makes no sense which means Jack isn’t funny and he has to be or it isn’t scary when he turns out to be serious which fucks the ending but I’m not allowed to move that because the producer says it needs to be in that order to build the bullshit subplot about his relationship which his mother WHICH NO ONE CARES ABOUT… Shit.
0802
Tea? Jesus. I can see why people take coke. It has nothing to do with fun it’s about survival. Shit.
0914
Okay. Okay. Okay. Done. I think. Shit. I should print it. I need to sleep. I need a shower. I need to pay the gas bill. Crap crap crap.
1051
How can they be late to their own offices?
1109
Okay, yes, we can do it by phone.
1251
I have exactly nothing to do. Which is good because I am incapable of anything at all.
1609
Phone rings.
“Are you out OF YOUR FUCKING MIND, HARKAWAY?”
“I don’t… I don’t think so…”
“Then who wrote this FUCKING INSANE SHIT?”
“I did, but -”
“It is CRAP. This script is a fucking LEPER. Bits of it are fucking falling off! What the FUCK?”
“You asked me to move the -”
“And you changed EVERYTHING!?”
“Yeah, that’s what happens when you move that-”
“Put it the fuck back! Just do what I said!”
“I can’t. The two are not compatible. I tried to explain it at the -”
“Don’t give me your fucking artistic integrity bullshit! Just make it work!”
“…. No. This has nothing to do with integrity, it is about what makes sense, and your idea does not make sense and nothing I can do will make it make sense. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be so fucking rude.”
“I wasn’t -”
“You fucking were. If we’re going to work on this thing together you need to demonstrate some respect for what I bring to the table.”
1657
“FUCKING LEPER script!”
1709
The industry is fucking with my posture. When did I start walking around as if I was afraid of being hit? My neck hurts.
1937
There has to be a better way to live.
2002
Hey wife.
Yeah, it wasn’t great.
But you make it all okay. Come on, let’s eat.
