Gosport, 21th August

Alan Scard is convered in confusion. Actually, that’s putting it pleasantly. The head of the Gosport local Conservative Party, charged with selecting a candidate to replace Sir Viggers of Duckhouse, was being interviewed on Channel 4 when he had a rush of blood to the feet. Asked whether he backed David Cameron’s policy of bringing more women Tories to the Commons, Mr Scard allowed his sense of humour to assert itself.

“If they are attractive, yeah I would go for it.” [He said.]

“I know it’s a sexist thing to say,” Mr Scard told Channel 4 News, “but you could get the blokes saying ‘Oh you know, I would vote for her because she’s really attractive’.”

However, on reflection, he added: “But then the other women say ‘Oh I don’t like her, she’s too attractive’.”

Needless to say, Mr Scard is now burning in the Hell Of Having Said The Wrong Thing While Nine Million People Were Listening.

His real sin, though, is not having said something profoundly stupid about selecting women as candidates. It’s not even having appeared to be a regressive old loon on national TV.

His real sin is having suggested, with monstrous imprudence, that politics in the UK has anything to do with attractiveness or charisma.

And the reason this is a sin is of course that the suggestion is absolutely accurate.

Behold! Here is Teflon Tony Blair, reported by his wife as a copulator of excellence and energy, and in his early years the sexy lefty of middle Britain! He very quietly did terrible things the Tories never had the nerve for, and people loved him. He had those even white teeth and that reassuring sub-Hugh Grant fluster. Tony Blair is charming.

And now, at long last, here is Gordon Brown, receiving the premiership at a moment when frankly no one would want it except him. One half of Gordon’s face is paralysed. He actually, physically, cannot produce a natural smile. It’s a disability, but for some reason the press can’t stop talking about it. It’s okay to make fun of the fat kid again, woohoo!

Mr Scard is in this one respect spot on: politics has become a battle of image. It does matter if candidates are sexy. Pathetic, but true.

And for that, I should imagine he will never be forgiven.