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Harriet Harman asserted rather angrily yesterday that the wheels have not come off Labour’s wagon.
I’m sorry, no. She’s just wrong. The wheels have not only come off, they are rolling down the street towards two blokes with a ladder and a brace Barbara Windsor clones carrying a giant pot of paint. All that’s missing is the Benny Hill-style collision and a sad, clownish SPOOOIOIIIOINGGGG! as the whole dreary farce comes to its inevitable end and everyone’s clothes fall off but somehow no one is naked.
(Thank God for small mercies, anyway.)
The expenses scandal – weirdly pointless though it is in most cases – has done what an illegal war, environmental policies which seem to involve standing around waiting for it to be too late, and an economic collapse of brain-boggling scale apparently could not do. It has brought shame to Parliament, and with the arrival of shame, MPs are departing as if they’d been offered lucrative jobs in some magical bank which is still offering vast bonuses.
The Guardian is putting a brave face on it, and claiming that Jacqui Smith’s departure is the result of her support for 42 Day Detention.
I wish.
Jacqui Smith is going because of porn. Porn is a much funnier story than 42 Days. She’s not even going because she billed the taxpayer for porn. She’s going because the idea of her husband gratifying himself to Stone-Age Cavegirls In The Raw (UK Edition!) is hilarious. A recent poll, by the way, showed that the great British public believes that Broadband is a vital utility, like water or power. Er, it’s not, not even for an info-junkie like me, but anyway. What will superfast broadband be used for? Well, Skype, a bit. Copyright infringement, definitely. But mostly: “The Internet is for Porn…”
In seriousness, though: Jacqui Smith is just leaving before the rush. Also departing are Tom Watson and Beverley Hughes, along with various others. And beyond them, of course, there are the countless other MPs affected by the scandal. It’s not just the Labour party, it’s Parliament as a whole which has lost legitimacy in the eyes of the electorate.
I don’t see that an election is actually the answer at this point – we probably need reform first – but I’m not sure that it’s acceptable to delay. When a democratic government – and its opposition – are held in such stunningly low esteem by those they serve, they can’t continue. It’s bad practice. It’s not how democracy works – you have to have popular support to be legitimate.
The problem, alas, is where people will turn. The BNP anticipates gains. So does UKIP. The Green Party, of which I was a fan, until I discovered that their manifesto includes a pledge to stop all animal testing for any purpose and close zoos – really? Close zoos? Despite the fact that zoos are central to preserving some species and re-introducing others which are extinct in the wild? – and to bring ‘natural’ medicine to the NHS without testing.
Sorry, chaps. Into the bin you go.
Yes, it seems that – despite the various fringe parties being if anything more lunatic and corrupt than their mainstream counterparts, that’s where people may vest their faith. Unless they vote, in defiance of reason, for the party of moats and duck houses. This turns out to be almost as insane. Despite David Cameron’s scorn for the BNP, he’s lined himself up with some Grade A loons in Europe.
And in the midst of all this, there ought to be one obvious winner. The Lib Dems should be rubbing their hands with glee and preparing to come in to their own. Yet somehow, they’re not. Partly, this is because they’re boring.
I want to listen to that, and I can’t get through it. It’s so dull, even the grey backdrop has fallen asleep. It’s the most boring statement I can imagine making on a subject this interesting.
Intellectually, that’s great. We could all use some boring government right about now. Interesting government has not been a big hit.
In terms of the heart, though, it’s ghastly.
