This is all @eBeth‘s fault…
Well, okay, not entirely. There was an absolutely amazing short called Foutaises which was on the same reel as Delicatessen when I saw it in the cinema a million years ago.
Yes, I am a million and thirty six years old. You all knew that, right?
Anyway – by introducing me to the #foibles hashtag on Twitter, @eBeth inspired me to make a small list of things which wind me up. Because I know you’re all dying to know.
Or not.
Anyway…
- people who walk in my dead space. You know, that place behind you where you can hear there’s someone there but cannot see them, at just around the ideal striking distance for someone with a short weapon or a closed fist? Yes, that space. People who slipsteam into that position and stay there, especially if they have clipclop shoes which turn the whole experience into a scene from a noir thriller. Yeesh, I hate that.
- wet poached fish. A fish which is poached should be moist, but not semi-liquid, and in any case should be served with something dry like rice. Otherwise the whole thing is like some kind of appalling babyfood. Yeuch.
- Hairless cats. Ew.
- violet creams. Honestly – I can’t begin to imagine… waste of chocolate… gah!
- people who set my house on fire. They shove fag butts down the little grating outside my place, and the butts fall into the lightwell which lights my utility room, and that lightwell is full of dirt and crud and other bits of rubbish and it catches fire and I swear I will catch one of them and stick him down there with his mouth open the next time I have to run downstairs and throw a bucket of water through the window to save everything I own. (I won’t really, but DAMN…)
- People who begin sentences with phrases like “I don’t believe in torture, but…”
- Massive scale geoengineering projects which will have massive consequences everyone conveniently ignores… viz. seeding the oceans with algae etc.
- Those weird slushly fruits with all the pips which smell of vomit.
- boybands. Yes, I am an old fart.
- tiramisù. What is it with that stuff? It’s froth, with goo, and caffeine. It tastes of froth, with goo, and caffeine. I hate it. You could make banoffee pie! YES! YOU COULD…
I could go on, but you would – rightly – get bored. Oh, wait. One more thing.
- crabblers. I hate crabblers.
