Moose / Elk cow, photo by Daniel Mayer under CNU FDL. Click for details.
It’s time to get back to basics…
The British Nature Party has announced a plan to reforest Yorkshire & Humber and the North West. Early reports misleadingly suggested that the British National Party had won seats in these two regions, and some voters say they were misled by the similarity of the names. The majority, however, are enormously relieved to find that the BNP which will be representing the nation in Europe is not the one whose candidates were recently recorded saying things like “what’s good enough for Hitler is good enough for me”.
Following the lead of Paul Lister, the landowner who has reintroduced the European Elk (known in the US as a Moose) to Scotland, the Nature Party proposes to begin reforestation immediately. Some farmers and parents have expressed reservations about bringing back animals such as boar, lynx, bears, and wolves, and the Ramblers organisation is already in litigation over access rights.
“That’s just daft, we’ve got no problem with people walking wherever they want,” said Gorm Chaffinch of the BNP. “That’s natural. Of course, if they get eaten, well, that’s natural, too.”
“People are a bit irrational about wolves,” agreed Mindy Holbright of the BNP’s ruling triumvirate, “they seem to think it’ll be like a horror movie. That’s nonsense. There hasn’t been an attack on a human by a wolf for hundreds of years. Well, not that anyone’s reported, anyway.” Members of the triumvirate are chosen by combat.
Some local people were angry. “I didn’t vote for some bunch of looney bearhuggers and enviro-woopsies to come and plant trees and unleash wild animals,” said Peter Fort of Humber, “I wanted lots of angry white men to come and shout racist slogans and cause ethnic tension. I wanted all the non-English people who were born here sent back to the countries they don’t come from!”
More debate is likely in December, when the first druid ceremonies are held in York, and virgins (male and female) are sacrificed to the sun-god. By and large, however, locals agree they’d rather have a few people bent backwards over a stone altar than put up with being the most regretted area of the United Kingdom.
“I’m ever so relieved,” said publican Dave Monkrief. “I was really concerned when I woke up this morning that I might have put my cross in the wrong box and caused a cock-up, but now I see it’s all right.”
The first wolves will be released in September, in time for winter.
