Corresponding With An Idiot

14/05/09

Oh, dear…

From: Nick Harkaway

To: Jason Fields @ iPhone Plastic Shield Things Co. Ltd.

Hi, Jason,

Having some trouble with the shield for my phone. I can get it all lined up and so on, but I can’t get the last of the sticky label off the shield without using white spirit, which compromises how well the plastic sticks to the screen.

Help!

From: Jason Fields

To: Nick Harkaway

Nick -

that’s bad! You say the adhesive is sticking to the shield itself? Weird. We use one which shouldn’t do that at all. I’ll check with quality control and see if we’ve let a bad batch slip through. In the mean time, pick up some more at your local shop, and have a go with those – we’ll refund you.

To: Jason Fields

From: Nick Harkaway

Jason -

Okay, I’ve got some new shields, but I’m having the same problem. I peel the protector off the shield, use the stiff plastic thingy to smooth the shield onto the phone, get rid of all the bubbles, but then I cannot for the life of me get the damn other bit off without leaving horrible goo behind.

Any news on the bad batch situation?

From: Jason Fields

To: Nick Harkaway

Nick -

I know you’re going to be annoyed, but I have to ask; is it possible you’re not peeling the protector sticker properly when you’ve got the shield stuck to the phone?

From: Nick Harkaway

To: Jason Fields

Jason -

You’re right. I’m annoyed. I’m not an idiot.

From: Jason Fields

To: Nick Harkaway

Nick -

I know. Sorry. Had to ask. So I’ve got the quality control guys sorting through the files now. Back to you later today. Apologies again.

To: Jason Fields

From: Nick Harkaway

Jason -

While we’re on the topic, can I ask why the shield is so flimsy? It’s really hard to place correctly.

From: Jason Fields

To: Nick Harkaway

Nick -

Ah. I’ve looked again at your earlier email, and I see the problem. You mentioned the stiff plastic we include to help you put the shield in place? Soooo… that’s the shield. What you’ve been trying to do is site the first layer of disposable plastic packaging on your phone and remove the sticker-tab we attach to it with very powerful glue. That tab is only there so you can peel the packaging off. What you need to do is site the stiff thing on the phone and then grab the other tag and pull gently, which should remove another identical thin layer of plastic and leave your shield in place on the iPhone.

Let me know how that goes for you.

From: Nick Harkaway

To: Jason Fields

Jason -

I am the single stupidest human being on the face of this green Earth. Please send your minions to my house with lasers to cut open my head and install the brain from your digital watch, which is smarter than I am.

From: Jason Fields

To: Nick Harkaway

Nick -

please don’t worry. It actually happens a lot; the first generation of diagrams we used is slightly rubbish. Next month we’re putting out the new set, and they’re much better.

From: Nick Harkaway

To: Jason Fields

Jason -

you’re making that up to make me feel better, aren’t you?

By the way, can I blog this if I anonymise the conversation?

From: Jason Fields

To: Nick Harkaway

Nick -

you caught me :)

Yes, and yes, by all means.

Best,

Jason.

______

[Yes. I got pwn3d by a plastic sticker.

Oh, sure, like it's never happened to you...]

6 Comments to “Corresponding With An Idiot”

Matt Keefe said on May 14th, 2009:

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

I accidentally called the Scottish Tourist Board and the Scottish Rugby Football Union b*stards earlier this year, which was not intentional and really rather embarrassing. I sympatise.
Nick Harkaway said on May 14th, 2009:

You managed to do this accidentally? What, you called them and meant to say they were splendid people but you spelled it wrong?
Matt H said on May 14th, 2009:

Yesterday I bought some coffee and burnt my hand on the lid.

The little message that warns about the temperature of the coffee had been written upon in thick black pen by the guy. [He had written Mr. Magoo upon my request, a name that my friend only found as ironically amusing *after* I burnt myself.

When I exclaimed in surprise at the pain and at the warning being covered by black ink, the barista (as they are so professionally monikered) reminded me that it was a cup of coffee. And also that I knew it was a cup of coffee because I had ordered a cup of coffee.

But still. Man I wish there was someone else I could have blamed.

Captcha: Project Kirk

Sometimes life is perfect.
Colin said on May 14th, 2009:

The only time I ever called customer support was for my Canon printer. I *could not* find a USB-to-USB cable with the same (flat) connector at both ends. After much back-and-forth, it turned out the printer had *two* USB connections, and the other one was a perfectly normal USB printer cable.

This was *after* I’d asked our local computer shop to construct a USB cable to my specifications – I had to call and admit my embarrassment.

Damn – I was never going to mention this again, to anyone! Your blog is turning into the Jerry Springer Show, Nick.
Rich said on May 14th, 2009:

Scary thing is Nick, I tried to do exactly the same thing. I think the problem stems from it doesn’t seem logical that a thick bit of plastic sits on top of the phone, it seems logical it’s the thin sheet.
Matt Keefe said on May 14th, 2009:

No, I was having trouble removing myself from a mailing list they jointly operate. A friend of mine was experiencing the same difficulty, so when I got another email newsletter, I forwarded it to my friend with a comment of “They still haven’t taken me off their f*cking list. B*stards. What about you?”

At least, I thought I’d forwarded it to him…

Three days later I got an incredibly nice email from a thoroughly helpful young lady named Rebecca: “I’m sorry you’ve been having difficulty unsubscribing from our mailing list…”

Of coure, I scroll down in horror to see I have replied to the original email, and not forwarded my rather vulgar comments.

An apology from myself followed immediately, as of course it had to.