The great grandfather of the internet meme – the Proust Questionnaire.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Living this life to its utmost. Raising a family with Clare in a placid, beautiful place. Writing, eating and drinking, dancing on the beach or on a mountain balcony. Laughter and friends. Happiness is not complicated.

 

2. What is your greatest fear?

Death. That always seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

It’s a tossup. I have a fast mouth, and I can be cruel without meaning to. I keep a close eye on that. And I have a distinct lack of physical courage – but then, I’ve never been tested very much on that score, and so far as an adult I’ve always been afraid in the pinch and then gone ahead with whatever I was doing.

 

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Wilful ignorance. Cruelty. The two go hand in hand.

 

5. Which living person do you most admire?

At the moment, Yvonne Bradley. It changes: I have the typical Oxbridge pattern of disciple relationships which endure only as long as it takes for me to acquire knowledge of a given field. In other words, I hero-worship for a brief period, then I continue to admire a person but begin to see their faults and move on.

 

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

Beautiful things.

 

7. What is your current state of mind?

Pensive. Concentrated.

 

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Chastity. I’ve never understood why anyone would consider it a virtue. It doesn’t guarantee purity of spirit, it just adds guilt to feelings of desire.

 

9. On what occasion do you lie?

To avoid unpleasantness in situations where there’s nothing to be gained (for anyone) by conflict. 

 

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I’m always appalled when I see that I have a wattle.

 

11. Which living person do you most despise?

Oh, libel, how I do love thee… Let’s say there’s a person in my mind’s eye now, and that person has a track record of attempting to steal the accomplishments of others who work for the same goals, and I find that odious.

 

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Congeniality.

 

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Wit.

 

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Like. I use “like” way too much. I’m cutting down.

 

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

My wife. It is that simple. Always has been, always will be.

 

16. When and where were you happiest?

With Clare, writing.

 

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

Music or mathematics – but I’d rather have the one I possess.

 

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’d be more organised.

 

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Yet to come.

 

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Now, that’s interesting. If I can return as a thing, that implies consciousness in objects we don’t usually see as conscious. Hm. As long as I can have Clare to talk to, I’d be a mountain.

 

21. Where would you most like to live?

Lots of places. I love dramatic landscapes.

 

22. What is your most treasured possession?

In one way, my wedding ring – but if I lost it and got another one, I’d love the new ring just as much. So… my collection of my father’s books. Those aren’t replaceable.

 

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Disconnection.

 

24. What is your favorite occupation?

Writing.

 

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I’m affable.

 

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Compassion.

 

27. Who are your favorite writers?

Conan Doyle, Wodehouse, Dumas.

 

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Cuthbert Banks.

 

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I’ve never really thought about it. I admire historical figures. I don’t see myself as them. I’m me.

 

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

I don’t really dwell on heroes. I know and admire heroism when I see it; the 911 firefighters, the lifeboat crews around our coastline, Lt Col Darrel Vandeveld, perhaps Murat Kurnaz, though I suspect he would be embarrassed by that.

 

31. What are your favorite names?

I have no idea. Names are about people for me.

 

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Shellfish.

 

33. What is your greatest regret?

There’s an introduction I never had the chance to make, and now it’s too late. 

 

34. How would you like to die?

Somewhere I can be revived almost immediately.

 

35. What is your motto?

I don’t have one. You can’t codify yourself in a phrase. You can’t even do it in a novel.