I’m calling for the arrest of the entire Metropolitan Police Publicity Office. I believe they may have broken anti-terror laws. At the very least, there should be an investigation. (No, I’m not serious. And the government ought to be joking, too – but they’re not.)

A new law makes it a crime to take a photograph which is likely to be useful in preparing or committing and act of terrorism. So, no photographing ships. Or police officers (whatever they may be doing)… more: 1,2. What loose legislator came up with this one? Well, it’s hardly a surprise.

We’re not leading the way in civil liberties and human rights these days.

So, no pics of coppers.

Or, I suppose, farmland, breweries, buses, houses, weather patterns, strip-clubs, commuters, the Thames, Nelson’s Column, Battersea Dogs’ Home… I can see ways in which any one of those could be involved in a terror attack. There’s no end to it – which is exactly the problem. This law makes taking a picture a possible crime, pretty much wherever you do it.

But here’s the good bit: on the Met website. It’s an introduction to SO19, the armed section of the Metropolitan Police. Among other riches, it shows a police car with its number plate and the faces of two officers. It gives plenty of information. Clearly this could all be of use in the commission of an act of terrorism. They’re not just taking pictures, they’re making them public. Surely, someone ought to be told…

Ludicrous, yes?

Still, better safe than sorry, eh? That’s a good principle for government.

(Except, of course, if we’re talking about banking. Or the environment. Or police powers. Or even driving a nuclear submarine, apparently. So: “better safe than sorry unless you’re One of Us” seems to be the thread here.)

On a related issue…

It seems we’re very much at home with torture in this country, as long as we don’t have to get blood and other fluids on our nice suits. At least, that seems to be the thrust of the government’s actions over the last few years. Now, of course, there’s a great deal of angry headshaking and harrumphing, but alas, you can’t harrumph the razor scars off someone’s genitals. Puffing air through your cheeks and saying “we don’t do that” does not make it so.

To all intents and purposes: they were cutting this guy, and we were standing outside the room listening to the screams and pushing notes under the door. And we’re prepared to allow that, and let his testimony under such circumstances guide our security services in their work.

Nice. And, incidentally, a criminal offence. But of course, while it’s dangerous to allow photographers to take pictures of cows in case they are terrorist photographers and are building a methane bomb, it would be irresponsible to allow documents which demonstrate that we were complicit in torture to enter the public domain.

I took this picture of a cow in Switzerland a couple of years ago. Note carefully that the cow is tagged. In theory, one might make a note of the numbering system and infiltrate an enemy cow into the herd, compromising the food chain etc. etc. Presumably, I would therefore have to think twice about taking this picture in Shropshire this morning. If I was arrested, I might be sent to another country so my interrogation could be outsourced, and MI5 could legitimately send details of my life and questions to ask me while I was beaten with a rubber hose. And that would all be perfectly British and above board.

I feel sick.

Elsewhere…

Facebook have had a rush of blood to the feet and announced they own your content for ever. Or something. I’m not clear. It’s annoying. I’ve stopped importing my blog to the site (sorry, chaps, you’ll have to click through to here) while I sort out what the implications are. Frankly, part of me says: I’d like to see you try, sonny.

However, the reality appears to be somewhat more benign and less shouty; the argument is that the FB ToS is necessary to make the service work and protect Facebook from infringement claims by us. On the other hand, I’m going to write and ask them some questions – we’ll see what comes.

In other news, my new friend Thomas Ableman of the Wrexham, Shropshire, and Marylebone Railway Company, Ltd., would like you to know that his outfit runs an excellent rail service into and out of London. Since he seems like a nice bloke, I thought I’d mention that to you.

Also, when I went to New York, I did not have to remove my shoes at security. Curious, I asked the security officers why this requirement was no longer in force. Apparently – and I swear I am not making this up – asking passengers to remove their shoes as a matter of course is a Health & Safety violation. So… you can’t take a picture of a copper, but Health & Safety trumps (or should I say pwns?) airport security.

We’re all doomed.