Me: I’m almost sure I’m not.

Mrs H: yes. Lugubrious. Like a legume.

Me: you made that up.

Mrs H: lounging around like a bean.

Me: I am not lounging. I am in bed because it is early and you are occupying the non-bed space in our bedroom.

Mrs H: bean-like.

Me: I’m looking that up.

Mrs H: that will not help you. I know these things.

Me: but if I move and do something constructive, then I won’t be bean-like.

Mrs H: yes, you will. Beans can be contrary, too. Your contrariness in disagreeing with my perfectly acceptable derivation has been notably bean-like.

Me: Lugubrious, from the latin meaning ‘mournful’, mid 16th Century word. Nice word, actually.

Mrs H: nothing about beans?

Me: no.

Mrs H: they lie. Stop reading the lying dictionary and pay attention to your loving wife.

Me: I -

Mrs H: do you love me?

Me: of course.

Mrs H: then you were… ?

Me: lounging around like a bean?

Mrs H: indeed you were.